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Joke of the Day

"The miserly squirrel never found a mate, because he insisted on aprenutshell agreement."

"20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope, and no Jobs. Please, do not let Kevin Bacon die. Source: The Bluegrass Grill and Bakery in Charlottesville, VA."

"QUESTIONS YOU CAN ANSWER BY PEEING ON THINGS: 1. Am I pregnant? 2. Does my boss have a very forgiving nature?"

"If your nervous tick is pointing to the sky then might i suggest not going to auctions anymore."

"Why weren't there any black men in the trojan horse? They couldn't fit."

"If I were to have an affair I'd make sure to have a signed prehumptial agreement."

"I had to change my GPS's voice from female to male because the female GPS told me to pull over and ask for directions."

"I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!"

"What is white and disturbs your lunch? An avalanche"

"Trump's foreign policy answers sound like a book report from a teenager who hasn't read the book. ""Oh, the grapes! They had so much wrath!"""