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Joke of the Day

"Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. Just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots."

"What's the difference between a optimist, a pessimist and a realist? The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The pessimist sees nothing. And the realist sees the train."

"You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you're Chuck Norris."

"A German lands in Paris... Upon having his passport verified, the French officer asks him: -Occupation? -Oh, no no, just visiting!"

"What did the prolapsed anus say to the sock? I like your hat."

"Guys! The Ultimate Warrior Is Not Dead! He just decided to return to Parts Unkown."

"Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn't have to worry about the Ebola virus. What."

"Me: My friend really likes you. Her: I'm a lesbian. Me: Ah ok... Her: ... Me: ... Her: ... Me: So... What part of Lesbia are you from?"

"I walked into a male underwear store for a quick second. I had a brief encounter."

"You know as long as you keep babies well fed they're usually pretty good... But I like mine with a little BBQ sauce."