184769

Joke of the Day

"They say it takes talent to keep making movies after 50 Apparently they haven't said this to Steven Seagal"

"I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore."

"What are Marios overalls made of? denim denim denim"

"My toddler eats with her right hand but is ambidextrous when it comes to total destruction."

"My wife told me to kiss her like if we were in a soap opera I hugged her tight, kissed her with passion and then slapped her because how dare she?!"

"Anti-jokes: here are three of my favorite ones. Uno, eins, ichi"

"""haha this costume party is great"" ""sir PLEASE get off the table"" ""cool librarian costume"" *sprays silly string* ""hey dude nice police costu"

"Whenever someone says they did something ""like a boss"" I assume that means they didn't do it at all and are taking credit for it."

"If you can't win an argument, correct their grammar."

"My annoying little cousin is bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed. Whatever, you little idiot.. I sleep in a real car."