41684
Joke of the Day
"My toddler eats with her right hand but is ambidextrous when it comes to total destruction."
Next Joke
"Dear Parents If you want to find out where your Son/Doughter is in the house, Simply turn off WI-FI and Wait"
"My boss always calls me Sweetypie when he wants me to get him coffee..I estimate he's swallowed a bucket of my spit in the last 4 years.."
"Knock Knock Who's there ! Carrie ! Carrie who ? Carrie me home I'm tired !"
"[at Indian restaurant] ""Those triangular pastry parcels with the spicy filling were delicious!"" ""Samosa?"" ""Oh no thanks, I'm full"""
"Why did they start using liquid soaps in prisons? (if you thought because you can't drop it, guess again) Because it takes longer to pick up."
"My dogs keep looking at me as if I have the power to fix the snow outside but I'm too goddamned lazy to do it"
"You guys have been the worst hostages I've ever used, hands down. *everyone lowers their hands* GODDAMN IT!!"
"A man worked at an orange juice factory, but he was canned because he couldn't concentrate."
"I had a dream I was going to the zoo to throw poop at the monkeys. No, not my own poop, thats just gross. Poop I found on the way to zoo."