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Joke of the Day

"I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore."

"RETIRED STUNTMAN: We didn't have fancy CGI. If the script said to drive a truck into a dinosaur, we drove a truck into a goddamn dinosaur."

"In accordance to the Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle of Quantum Mechanics, we may already be in love right now."

"Rene Descartes walks into a bar. . . . . .and orders a beer. When he finishes is, the barkeep asks ""Have another?"" Descartes replies ""I think not."" . . .and POOF. He vanishes."

"Figurative digits When is a 2 literally a 6? When it has metaphor."

"Did you hear about the Italian husband who was talking during his sleep? He ended up giving his wife a black eye"

"I bought a book on how to build stairs Its a step by step guide"

"I don't think that we should let kids listen to symphonies. There's too much Sax and Violins nowadays."

"If you don't want to be there today, just say ""I'm just here for the food and hopefully some good commercials. Also congrats on the wedding"""