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Joke of the Day
"In 20 years, I bet there's going to be a college course called eye contact."
Next Joke
"Seriously though, why can't you put the punchline in the title? What do you say to piss off a redditor?"
"What happens when a university math professor and a high school math teacher get it on? Calculust"
"Some apples don't fall far from the tree, BUT other apples catch a good roll and keep rolling...and rolling...and rolling.."
"3yo: I don't want a walk Me: Come on, it'll be fun braving the elements [An hour later] 3yo: *Very disappointed* Where are the elephants?"
"What does an accountant call a friend's birthday party? (x-post from /r/tax) A present liability!"
"What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear, the other's a great year."
"Suicide Bomber They said, ""If you blow up the building, you'll get 72 virgins when you go to heaven!"" I said, ""How about I just vandalize it for 5 sluts right now?"""
"Spilled my bottle of sleeping pills, and now they're wide awake."
"shops have changed so much. In my day you could go in with a pound and get a bag of crisp and a magazazine now days they have cameras"