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Joke of the Day

"Seriously though, why can't you put the punchline in the title? What do you say to piss off a redditor?"

"Always remember that the key to a happy marriage is to use those three magic words. You're right dear."

"Comas can really change the meaning of a sentence... For instance: ""Ben is in a hurry."" ""Ben is in a coma."""

"How do you know if an Asian is depressed? All around them are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces."

"*emergency room* NURSE: ""we're losing him!"" DOCTOR [pouring like a lot of buckets of ice water on his head]: ""IM WORKING AS FAST AS I CAN"""

"I'm not going to sugar coat this - you have diabetes"

"I became a father late last night. Reddit, what are your best dad jokes?"

"Women love it when you emit three high pitched squawks, inflate your expandable throat pouch, and then dart back and forth between trees."

"a man walks into a library drunk and says can i have a fish and chips please the woman says sir this is a library and then whispers can i have a fish and chips please"

"A creepy man is dragging a little girl into the woods. \- ""I'm scared, I'm scared!!"" she's crying. \- ""Stop crying. You think it's easy for me, ha?! The way back I'll have to do by myself."""