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Joke of the Day

"3yo: I don't want a walk Me: Come on, it'll be fun braving the elements [An hour later] 3yo: *Very disappointed* Where are the elephants?"

"I had a dream I was sitting in a motel room in Hell, so I turned on the television and started flipping through the channels. All the shows were closed-captioned for the visually impaired."

"What type of classical music do chickens like best? Bach."

"TIFU by taking a shower. I wonder if they've noticed it's missing yet?"

"People always think I'm gay because I'm a confident person, I hate that... ... I'm gay because I fuck men."

"They say there's safety in numbers... Tell that to the 6 million Jews. ~ Jimmy Carr."

"Jesus Christ, superstar He dresses like a woman and he wears a bra!"

"What is the hardest part of rollerblading? Telling your parents you're gay."

"I hate being used as a thesaurus. A mate just asked another term for ""monkey dung"" and I went apeshit."

"My local newspaper was holding a pun contest. So I submitted ten and I was sure one was going to win, but no pun in ten did."