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Joke of the Day

"HA! [That's close enough.](http://windows.microsoft.com/en-us/internet-explorer/downloads/ie-9/worldwide-languages)"

"I scream. You scream. We all scream. ISIS laughs."

"A joke died on stage. It leaves behind an orphaned punchline."

"Jesse Pinkman created an app that shows which coffee shops are serving Pumpkin Spice flavored beverages... He wrote it in BASIC, Bitch!"

"Me: hey dad, what did you do before the internet? Dad: you have thirteen bros n sisters, do the math son."

"It only took me one drink to get drunk... I just can't remember if it was the seventh or the eighth (George Burns)"

"My friend Jerry and I built a house... It was absolutely floorless. I mean we really nailed it this time. Not like the last one that we screwed up. This time we just did a really wood job."

"Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets? A: She went looking for the three guys."

"Why Can't a Nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot"

"I swear skinny people without butts eat the most... They're bottomless!"