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Joke of the Day

"What do prime numbers and white girls have in common? They literally can't even."

"""NOAH. YOU WILL BUILD AN ARK"" k ""NOT ""K"" THIS IS IMPORTANT"" Sorry ""THATS OK. TAKE 2 OF EVERY ANIMAL ON IT"" Even fish? *THUNDER* ""NO NOT FISH"

"U just HAD to be polite & hold the elevator for me. I could have had a nice, quiet ride alone. Instead, I had to be polite & talk about fall"

"I'm sure everything will be fine. I'm sure of lots of things that are wrong. I'm highly fallible."

"Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he neverlands."

"My son is screaming his head off in his room but there's no way I'm going in there if his monster reports are true."

"[movie theater] Her: *Hands me popcorn bag* Can you put this down? Me: *grabs bag* You stupid, overpriced, salty piece of shit!"

"Want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy."

"Me and my girlfriend... Me and my girlfriend watched 6 DVDs back to back last night, fortunately I was the one facing the TV!"

"Whats a real pain in the butt? Dry anal."