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Joke of the Day

"[movie theater] Her: *Hands me popcorn bag* Can you put this down? Me: *grabs bag* You stupid, overpriced, salty piece of shit!"

"Chuck Norris's Daughter Lost her Virginity... He got it back."

"To the people who have birthdays this week... your parents sure know how to celebrate Valentine's Day!"

"Why did Waldo only wear stripes? Because he didn't want to be spotted."

"The phrase ""Tricky Dick"" refers to both former President Richard Nixon and penis puppeteer Rich Handey. Be specific in your usage."

"I've got good news and bad news... GOOD NEWS: Hillary lost the presidency BAD NEWS: Trump won the presidency"

"No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber."

"The worst part about ""Friends"" being canceled is that I've now been stuck with Rachel's last haircut since 2004."

"My roommate told me my clothes look gay. I told him to have some respect. They just came out of the closet."

"Why did the dolphin run away from home to start a new life? He felt he had lost his sense of porpoise."