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Joke of the Day

"Friend from out of town asked if he could crash on my couch. Had to explain to him that I'm married now, so that's where I sleep."

"Pressing A too fast and having to talk to the Pokemon Center's nurse again was by far the worst part of my childhood."

"What do u call 1,000 black people on a plane back to Africa? A good start."

"Mountains aren't just funny...... .......the are hill areas!!"

"Does anyone else think Squidward's nose looks like...nevermind. There are children in the room."

"Help me doctor, I have a bowel movement every morning at 7! Doctor: Well that's good, it means you're healthy. Man: You'd think so, but I don't wake up until 8am!"

"What's the difference between a meteor and a meteorite? Ite. Sorry, a kid said this in elementary school and it was funny back then :)"

"Kayne West says he's gonna be the next Nelson Mandela. Your wife is a porn star and your daughter is a compass. Take a seat, son. Merica."

"How come you never see elephants hiding up trees? Because they are really good at it."

"What does a dominatrix say when she's late? ""Sorry I tied you up"""