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Joke of the Day

"Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume..."

"Q: Why was a blind man's leg wet? A: Her dog was blind too."

"What do you call a large group of people who spit on others? The Salivation Army."

"The Mrs recognizes my ""tell"" when I've seen an attractive woman: my eyes pop 4 inches out of their sockets and I make a loud ""A-OOGA"" noise."

"*spreads toilet seat cover over santa's lap before sitting down*"

"A guy walks into a drs office with a carrot in his ear.. ..and a piece of broccoli up his nose. The Dr told him he isn't eating right."

"Guns don't kill people. Cats don't sew mittens. Houses don't crap zebras. Lots of nouns don't verb other nouns. This isn't new information."

"What do you call a lawyer up to his neck in cement? Not enough cement EDIT: Okay thanks for pointing out that I messed up the wording but the joke is supposed to be the funny part"

"What's the difference between pussy and parsley? I don't eat parsley. -Andrew ""Dice"" Clay"

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can always unscrew a light bulb."