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Joke of the Day

"Cops are looking for a fat bank robber. He's still at large."

"Gays and ISIS ... are fucking assholes."

"My wife has everything I could ever want in a woman: Low standards."

"Why did the Ogre cry when he left the doctor's office? He was diagnosed with shrecktal cancer."

"Did you hear about the Chinese Chef who broke out of jail? Apparently he went out for a wok and never came back."

"If my dying plant is any indication, I probably don't water my dog enough... Oh fuck, where's my kid?"

"Why can't a tyranosaurus clap? It's extinct"

"What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You stop milking a cow after 10 years."

"I love you Mario but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of"

"I'm participating in some vintage ploughing this weekend I'm visiting the local retirement home"