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Joke of the Day

"Me: I could tell you, but I'd have to- Him: Kill me? hahaha Me: No, talk to you. And I don't wanna do that."

"How did the pirate fix the hole in his pants? He used an eyepatch"

"Why was the S&M phone sex caller so quiet? Because he was tongue tied!"

"What did the man do after being found guilty of sabotaging the moonmission? He Apollo-gized."

"Two guys are on a boat with three cigarettes but nothing to light it with. What do they do? They throw one cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter."

"Morgan Freeman is in so many movies, I bet he just wanders onto film sets and says,""I'm in this now."""

"Sorry I can't come to your thing tonight, I'm too busy figuring out an excuse about why I can't come to your thing next week"

"An engineer major asks... ""How can we build this?"" A business major asks, ""How can we finance this?"" A liberal arts major asks, ""Do you want fries with that?"""

"Apparently half of men have a problem with premature ejaculation The rest of us just don't think its a problem."

"I just got to my Grandpa's house, we have a little talk about politics, and then he says we should watch something intelligent... And then He put on Fox News."