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Joke of the Day

"My wife gave me her Christmas list. I said, ""isn't my undying love & affection enough?"" We laughed and laughed. Now I'm at the purse store"

"Its been so long since I've had sex, my next time can't possibly be bad. For my partner, however, its guaranteed."

"Jerry Seinfeld is at Best Buy. ""We've got a great deal on TVs today"" the salesman says. ""What's the deal?"" Jerry says. The Best Buy explodes"

"what idiot called them crabs instead of sidewalks"

"A tornado is about 5 minutes away and our satellite is out. I hope our house lands somewhere where the cable works!"

"What do you call a dog with no legs and balls of steal? Sparkie."

"Sometimes sorry seems to be the hardest word, but usually it's antidisestablishmentarianism."

"Why does Donald Trump close his eyes during sex? So he can imagine he's masturbating."

"My girlfriend is in Mexico for vacation and if she has a Juan night stand while she's down there, her and I are totally done."

"Wanna know how I escaped Iraq? Iran"