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Joke of the Day

"Why does Donald Trump close his eyes during sex? So he can imagine he's masturbating."

"If you eat too many salted pretzels on Halloween, what happens the next day? November thirst."

"MIGRATING BIRDS Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter? A: It's too far to walk."

"I hate being bi-polar... It's awesome!"

"Mum: Jackie go outside and play with your whistle. Your father can't read his paper. Jackie: Wow I'm only eight and I can read it"

"Clean sheet day!! *brushes Pringles crumbs over to his side of the bed*"

"Why do we have to listen to a 45 second instructional to leave someone a voice mail? Beep, talk. We get it, condescending cell companies."

"Who's Angry in Japan? The director of Life of Pi."

"Life is like a box of chocolates .... ... It doesn't last as long for fat people."

"Why are black people fast runners? They have 3 long strong legs."