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Joke of the Day

"I got kicked out of the hospital tonight. Apparently the sign ""Stroke Patients Here"" meant something different."

"Girl dog: I'm into bad boys Guy dog: [remembering his owner saying how much of a good boy he is] ..oh"

"Why do Scuba divers fall backwards off the boat, and into the water? Because if they fell forward, they'd fall into the boat."

"Please pray for the private school kid whose dad drops him off in a 3-year-old car."

"Why doesn't Ed got a girlfriend? Because Sheeran away."

"Why did Santa bring his sack with him when starring in the pantomime? He wanted to have some stage presents."

"LPT: If you're in public and you need to fart Don't hold it in, because it'll go to your brain and that's where shitty ideas come from."

"Do you know why the government is important? It isn't, now have a landmine. -Ron Swanson"

"Rate kickass only this if your name isn't Steve"

"Why is there a flap on the back of the Navy uniform? So the Marine have something to hold on to."