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Joke of the Day

"*In church 9: [Whispers] Why do we have to keep sitting & standing and sitting & standing... Me: [Whispers] So we don't fall asleep 9: oh"

"So, my lesbian friend asked how I view lesbian relationships. In Hd was not the correct answer."

"That's offensive -- Pikachu is his slave name."

"What does Matthew McConnaughey call Nazis when he's trying to bring them into the mainstream? Alt-right, alt-right, alt-right"

"That awkward moment when a rapist picks up a hitchhiking serial killer... Killer: ""Turn down that dark road down there."" Rapist: ""I was planning on it..."""

"What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending I'll see myself out"

"I want someone to push me up against the wall.. lean in.. and softly whisper... ""I'll do your housework for you"""

"Old folks use to poke me at weddings and say your next so... I started doing it back to them...at funerals. "

"At what age does Ryan Gosling have to change his name to Ryan Goose"

"I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!"