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Joke of the Day

"Girl dog: I'm into bad boys Guy dog: [remembering his owner saying how much of a good boy he is] ..oh"

"He and I were best friends and roommates, so sex was never on the table. It was always on the couch, the bed, and the floor. Come on, we *eat* there."

"I did laundry for 7 miles according to my Fitbit that I accidentally washed and dried."

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was."

"""What did you do today, mommy?"" ""I invented names, like 'Grand Theft Anal' and 'Mortal Cumbath"" on Twitter, and you?"""

"accidentally called the guy at the oil change place ""mom"""

"Why does the man go to the beach when he's hungry? Because of the sand which is there."

"What did the man say when he stopped piggybacking his fat friend? ""Man, it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!"""

"""WHAT THE HELL? WHERE'S THE OTHER, SMALLER VERSION OF THIS PERSON?""--Russian surgeon's 1st time cutting a patient open"

"I could tell a good gardening joke but it's too dirty."