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Joke of the Day

"Before you take advice from me... you should know I walk around my house in my underwear while complaining about being cold."

"do they have the fourth of July in the UK? Of course it comes after the third and before the fifth of July"

"parents just reaming ms frizzle out at a pta meeting. ""you took our kids to god damn outer space. we didnt even have to sign a form"""

"Why do school nurses bring a red crayon to work? So they can draw blood"

"What's a zergling's favourite newspaper? The Guardian."

"Facebook: The only place where you get excited when strangers follow you."

"The CEO of Comcast dies and goes to heaven..."

"I'm Puerto Rican, but not ""carries a knife in my purse everywhere I go"" Puerto Rican. Sometimes it's in my bra."

"Nice try, private caller. I don't answer the phone if I know you either."

"What's better than going to Westford Academy? Going to Westford high"