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Joke of the Day

"I saw a sign today about lost cat Missing cat: Wanted dead and alive If found return to Schrodinger"

"How do you fit an elephant in the subway? (x-post) You take the 'S' out of sub, and the 'F' out of way."

"*boss walks in Me: I lost my contact Boss: Why are you naked & why is Greg under your desk? Me: Boss: Me: Shut the door when you leave"

"Best of luck to Steven Gerrard, who's retired from not winning the World Cup to concentrate on not winning the Premier League."

"Vagina Steak (nswf) Today my husband asked me if my vagina was ""medium well"" yet? Pink but not bloody."

"A few weeks ago I wrote happy Eid to the Muslims and autocorrect changed it to Happy IED. It almost blew up in my face."

"""Q. Why were India kicked out of the Soccer world Cup held in England in 1966 ? A. Every time they were given a corner, they built a shop."""

"My new years resolution is to stop biting my toenails. Nervous habit I picked up during all these meetings at work."

"My husband has been missing for a week, the police say to prepare for the worst... So I went to the thrift store & got all his clothes back!"

"Here's a 'Frozen' joke that I heard from an eight year old Knock knock *Who's there?* You *[You who?](http://memecrunch.com/meme/1MG0Q/big-summer-blowout/image.png)*"