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Joke of the Day

"Facebook: The only place where you get excited when strangers follow you."

"Your mom's got eight vaginas and a Ph.D. We call her Dr. Octopus."

"Why don't hipsters like fishing? It's too mainstream."

"You're ""gluten free?"" How nice. I'm mostly ""money free"" so I can't be so fuckin' picky."

"Knock knock _Who's there?_ Armageddon _Armageddon who?_ Armageddon too old for this shit!"

"Whenever I see a sign saying Fine Jewelry I think to myself, it's probably had enough warnings, why not just arrest it."

"I renamed my iPod to Titanic... it's syncing now!"

"What should you do if your walls get cold? Put on another coat."

"What is it called when an exchange student goes to Malaysia? Euthanasia."

"What do you call Neil DeGrasse Tyson with champagne poured over his chest? An Astro-fizzy-tits."