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Joke of the Day

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the P is silent"

"I'm not trying to be racist but black people are darker than white people."

"DM: This person is writing offensive posts about you. ME: Oh cool, you follow my wife! Tell her I said hi!"

"I'm 30 but I still feel like I'm 20 Until I hang out with 20 year olds Then I'm like no, never mind, I'm 30"

"Vin Diesel's full name is Vintage Dieselengine."

"I don't think a wooden structure is capable of holding up my books. I have low shelf-confidence."

"If you are having sex with two women and a third woman walks in, what do you have? Divorce proceedings, most likely"

"I don't remember anything about being born, I must have been WASTED"

"Are they REALLY going to let GAYS play sports?!? What's next? EQUALITY? WOMEN VOTERS? WILL THIS EVER END? #romney2012"

"How many men from the US swim team does it take to open a door? Just one if its lochte'd"