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Joke of the Day

"I don't think a wooden structure is capable of holding up my books. I have low shelf-confidence."

"What does the grim reaper and a pedophile have in common? They both take people before their time."

"Yeah, no, I don't have a FitBit. I'm pretty sure I have a solid grasp on how inactive I am. I don't need like bells and alarms and stuff."

"Schroedinger's theory of attraction 1. Be attractive 2. Don't be attractive"

"What's the difference between Reese and Tyrese? Reese was born Witherspoon but Tyrese stole his."

"What do you call an Egyption's butt muscle? A sphinxster"

"The Most Dangerous Place on the Planet! Those BASTARDS!!! It's a [death trap](http://www.savagemill.com/wp-content/uploads/StoreFront_HandsOfTime.jpg)..."

"Why did Wile E. Coyote have a ""Detour"" sign pointing to the edge of a cliff? To throw the Roadrunner off."

"London weather is just like Iraq. A little bit sunni, but mostly shiite."

"What do you call a short psychic who's escaped from rehab? A small medium at large."