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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the one-armed man that robbed the bank? He did it single-handedly."

"How many cops does it take to push a black guy down the stairs? None, he 'fell'."

"I like dead baby jokes as much as the next guy But sometimes you have to abort"

"[meeting] DIRECTOR: I want amazing CGI PRODUCER: Yes! D: A huge cast P: Agreed! D: Realistic family photos P: We don't have the budget"

"How many of my fellow Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one of course, as we are highly efficient and have absolutely no sense of humour."

"What does a Mexican say when a house falls on them. Get off me homes."

"Why was the plumber sad? He had a shitty job."

"A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them."

"What time does Wimbledon start? Tennish"

"I approach the boring task of buying tampons with the same procrastination used when needing to fill the car up with petrol: ignore depleting supplies until well in the red."