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Joke of the Day

"If I had a time machine I'd go back and give myself a bunch of incorrect lotto numbers, and teach myself the value of hard work."

"What do you call bad filmography in another dimension? Breaking the fifth wall."

"What kind of sick fuck figured out that you can make a cake out of carrots?"

"OC from my 10 yr old son: Why do women like roses? Because they are pretty and hurt you."

"My wife called me a ""panty dropper."" She said to be more careful with the laundry next time."

"Whats a pirates favourite letter??? Youd think itd be rrrrr but tis the sea."

"To defeat Superman, Batman will sneak in Superman's house when he's asleep and dig for any weaknesses. You could say, he's going to creep tonight."

"Dear Tech Support, I twied to puth my tongue in tha USthB port again. Canth you helpf?"

"Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: No idea, I'm not black."

"There's a doctor who goes around my neighbourhood handing out body parts... ...he gives me the willies."