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Joke of the Day

"Why did Harry Potter's friends pick him up and pass him around on his birthday? They were playing pass the Parseltongue."

"What did Professor X said when Cyclops whipped out his penis? ""Keep it in your Jeans"""

"I said to my classmate, ""You are at the top of the bell curve!"" He responded, ""I don't know what that means!"""

"Okay, 45-year-old divorced women on Facebook who are ""LUV'N' LIFE!"" Calm down. We get it."

"When life hands you gators, make Gatorade...just kidding-that means life hates you because the gators would totally kill and eat you 1st."

"April showers bring May flowers, but do you know what May flowers brings? Pilgrims."

"Chosing a share to buy is like chosing a porn video to watch. You search for hours and find something interesting and at the end it will dissapoint you."

"Morpheus: ""You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and--"" Me: ""Blue pill."""

"I struggle with an intense fear of becoming disabled It's crippling"

"Everyday, millions of plants are killed by vegetarians. Help stop the violence. Eat a steak."