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Joke of the Day

"I struggle with an intense fear of becoming disabled It's crippling"

"what do Hitler and Terry Fox have in common? they both couldn't finish a race."

"A good looking girl waved at me today... but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her."

"Wife: Did you measure for carpet? Me: Yeah, from the window Wife: Don't Me: To the wall Wife: Don't Me: tothesweatdripoffmyballs! *runs*"

"I see subway employees are still having their ""how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich"" contest."

"Why did the water turn into steam? It mistbehaved"

"The other night I had a dream I was being wanked off by a Ghost. I was scared stiff."

"Why did Europe start the first World War? They did't like being sans-Ferdinand."

"Why are gardeners better problem solvers than politicians Because gardeners really get to the root of the problem."

"The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to ""watch a movie"" is actually watching a movie."