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Joke of the Day

"At an AC/DC concert... Brian Johnson: You guys ready to rock? Crowd: YESSSSSS Brian Johnson: I can't hear you!"

"Appearing to be productive at work requires more effort than actually being productive."

"My girlfriend just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren't drying I swear to god..."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Why bother calling it?"

"If you can't afford to get your wisdom teeth removed... Try crystal meth, it really is a miracle drug. *disclaimer: may remove more teeth than expected."

"What hired killer never goes to jail? The exterminator."

"Just saw an advance screening of Age of Ultron. Spoiler alert: he's 47"

"If Pringles really wanted the fun to never stop they'd make those tube things like 5 feet long."

"My Asian friend said he had erection anxiety... I said: ""what do you mean?"" He said: ""I don't want to see the dick rise to power."""

"If the opposite of pro is con, what's the opposite of progress? The Republican party."