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Joke of the Day

"I'm at the phase of Christmas where I'm looking at stuff in my house and going ""I could just wrap that."""

"What did the square of cloth identify as on tumblr? Nap-kin"

"How do you stop an Albanian tank? You shoot the guy pushing it."

"what do you call a slutty french fry? a potat-hoe"

"Apparently champagne is the easiest alcohol to digest, so I'm going to consume several bottles to wash down my salad."

"You know you're a bad driver when your GPS tells you ""after 400 feet stop and let me out"""

"if i ever spontaneously combust, i hope it's around somebody i don't like and that they're wearing their favorite outfit."

"Heard unemployment was 10%, but I just did a quick poll of everyone at the office, and it seems like that number may be way high."

"[At urinal maker store] Urinal maker: Let's make some of them curved so the pee splashes on their legs LOL. Other urinal maker: K. LOL"

"What did the chicken say before laying an egg? Yahoo. There goes my baby."