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Joke of the Day

"what do you call a slutty french fry? a potat-hoe"

"The vet told me ""I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put your dog down..."" ""Oh God!"" I said. ""WHY?!"" ""Because my arms are getting tired."" he said."

"I like my coffee like I like my women. Without a penis."

"The circles under my eyes are so dark, Animal Planet is following me around filming a documentary about a raccoon out of its natural habitat"

"Carving a boob from a tree would be pretty cool Wooden tit?"

"Q: Why couldn't the shoes go out and play? A: They were all tied up."

"""I don't know where you're from. But in this country..."" ""...we're all from America."""

"Surprised to find out that the untold part of Dracula Untold is that he's a weed-smoking libertarian"

"Damn girl, are you a door? Because I want to slam you!"

"I'm abandoning Obamacare for Bidencare. Everyone gets a sixer of Natty Light, 2 copies of Hustler from 1978 and a VHS copy of Caddyshack."