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Joke of the Day

"if i ever spontaneously combust, i hope it's around somebody i don't like and that they're wearing their favorite outfit."

Next Joke
 
"Need your help. Give me some bear puns! or I will kill you with my BEAR hands"
"Salamanders are the most passive aggressive animal. You grab their tail and they're like ""have that one, I don't even want it"""
"What does a hawk call a high ledge A *falcony!*"
"If my ""check engine"" light would check my wallet, it would know there's nothing I can do about it."
"My nephew: ""Sometimes it gets puffy and I can't pee"" Me: ""Yeah, unfortunately when you get older it gets puffy and you can't think"""
"What is WRONG with you??? Me: *slowly counting on fingers* let's see... ok... carry the 1... um... That would be everything"
"Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A: A visitor."
"''You will die alone.'' I hate fortune cookies. Wait! This is a note from my mom!"
"A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case."