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Joke of the Day

"If a mentally challenged midget is late to an appointment... ... can you justifiably call them ""a little tardy""?"

"What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon? About tennish"

"2 peanuts walk into an elevator One was Ray Rice and the other was assaulted"

"How many germans does it take to change a lightbulb? One, they are extremely efficient and they dont have any humor."

"LAMP FOR SALE: gold, antique, good patina, evil genie, functions like new, you will be killed, shiny, polished, be careful what you wish for"

"It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn't just in his parents basement on acid the whole time"

"What is a Freudian slip? When you say one thing but mean your mother."

"Why can't you see elephants hiding in trees? ...because they are hiding"

"HIM: [awkwardly] wanna go see a movie? HER: sure, sounds great. [next day] HIM: could i maybe come with you next time?"

"How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy? Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back."