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Joke of the Day

"I have two tickets to the Euro's final.. problem is it's on the same day as my wedding... So if anyones interested it's at St.Peters church in Brighton and her name is Sarah."

"Why Didn't* the Chicken Cross the Road? Because he was too chicken! Sorry."

"Did Noah include termites on the ark?"

"I'm having one of those off days For example, this morning, I made a bowl of cereal, but instead of putting the milk back in the fridge and the cereal back in the pantry, I fucked my neighbors wife"

"Why does Wall Street call Hillary ""Hillary Vuitton"" instead of ""Hillary Clinton"" ? Because they know she's in the bag ..."

"Does heavy lifting make you dumb? Yes Cause counting to 10 has never been this hard before"

"I can help anyone quit smoking by spraying them with hair spray as they light their cigarette."

"Damn girl, are you my accounting class? Because you really need more curves."

"What do witches ring for in a hotel? B-room service."

"What do you call a surgeon who graduated last in his class? Doctor"