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Joke of the Day

"new job in call center I got a new job with the local suicide hotline. I tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it."

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"How does a feminist know she's overweight? She doesn't"
"Baby metamorphosis I feel like nobody names their baby Craig. One day, around age 35, the baby just becomes Craig. that is all"
"[Updates Christian Mingle bio] ""Just like Moses, I pay attention to the bush first"" ""You have 999 new matches"""
"What do you call a blind deer? No-eye deer. What do you call a blind deer with no legs? *Still* no-eye deer."
"How does one know a man is going to say something smart?..His senentences start with ""A woman once told me.."""
"You know how in restaurants they often ask you if you prefer bottled water or tap water? In Flint, the waiter asks you, ""Regular or Unleaded?"""
"Lindsay Lohan was released from jail early this morning and in related news, I still don't give a shit about her."
"""You never told me you were vegan!"" - no one ever"
"Who wrote ""The Tiger's Revenge""? Claude Balls"
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