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Joke of the Day

"i said no to the dress & now my familys being held against their will in an undisclosed location theyve already sent me two of my son's toes"

"How to tell if your wife is mad at you 1. She is"

"[terrible nursing home] Old guy: How did you end up here? Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster."

"A man with multiple-personality disorder walked into a bar. No he didn't."

"Need something witty to say after i pee in a cup... Tomorrow is drug test day... Not sure this is actually the right sub for this but watevs."

"I broke up with my girlfriend today Now I need to buy that movie again!"

"A horse walks into a bar. .. A horse walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, ""Why the long face?"" Sarah Jessica Parker responds, ""I'm a person you know? I have feelings!"""

"What social movement were nazis really into? Aryan Reichts"

"Imagine meeting the girl of your dreams and then finding out that she eats spaghetti with a knife."

"To the handicapped guy who stole my bag You can hide but you can't run"