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Joke of the Day

"I just came up with a new word! Plagiarism!"

"If I ever have a heart attack, I'm deleting my internet history before I call an ambulance. Better safe than sorry."

"No, no, no, you don't have to engage in a long explanation of why you're single. We've spent five minutes together, I think I've got it."

"Two in one people are Siamese."

"Hillary's mad at Satan Hillary: Satan! We had a deal! Where's the election victory that you promised me? Satan: Where's the soul that you said you had?"

"What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The Wheelchair."

"What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph, he's to short to be an essay"

"ME: i'm nervous WIFE: don't be. just be confident [later] BOSS: so do you think you'd be right for the job ME: *confidently* no"

"Fred: I got 100 in school today. Mother: Wonderful. What did you get 100 in? Jason: Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History. Mother: Well at least you can add !"

"How to kill 20 flies at once Slap an Ethiopian"