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Joke of the Day

"If I ever have a heart attack, I'm deleting my internet history before I call an ambulance. Better safe than sorry."

"I texted my mom at 5am telling her trump won, she asked why I was up so early. I told her ""I don't know. Maybe the sound of my health insurance flying away woke me up."""

"A midget walked into a bar I guess it was set too low."

"Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?"

"You ever watch a really stupid person for like 10 mins and wonder how they haven't been hit by a train or carried off by a giant eagle yet?"

"My favorite joke: How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. They stick the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them!"

"How much does a dead battery cost? It's free of charge"

"Why did the zombie get a gym membership? Gaaaainsss"

"Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? A: He has got no beef."

"Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you."