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Joke of the Day

"No, no, no, you don't have to engage in a long explanation of why you're single. We've spent five minutes together, I think I've got it."

"For some reason I keep making bread puns Dough I knead to stop"

"April showers bring May flowers Mayflowers bring Smallpox."

"What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve? Social Security."

"What did the deaf guy say to the blind guy? I can't hear you, but I can see your point"

"My girlfriend asked me how I viewed lesbian relationships... Apparently ""in HD"" wasn't the right answer."

"Dr: Smoking weed causes memory loss Me: How? Dr: It just does Me: What just does? Dr: Smoking weed causes memory loss Me: How?"

"What do you give an octomom for mother's day? A spatula. Maybe she'll be more responsible making dinner than making babies."

"Sigh. Woodstock '99 was a terrible use of this Time Machine."

"It's a bird, it's a plane! No, it's my data plan!"