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Joke of the Day

"Reasons I work out. 1) I don't wanna be bit by a vampire and spend eternity out of shape and double chinned. 2) I guess to be healthy"

"The Four Types of Orgasms The Good ""oh yes, oh yes"" The Bad ""oh no, oh no"" The Religious ""oh god, oh god"" And the Fake ""Oh *person's name*"""

"Satan: Welcome to hell! You can spend all eternity walking barefoot across legos OR you can wear these crocs. Me: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

"What does it take for a soldier in uniform to pick up a girl?... ....a smile and wave!"

"I phoned my boss. I said, ""I'm calling in sick tomorrow."" ""But, how do you know you're going to be ill?"" he asked. I swear, sometimes he forgets that he works in a psychic shop."

"What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese."

"Why did the scale not wear any of his shirts? Because they all had a tare ^^^I'llseemyselfout"

"How many vegans does it take to... None. Nobody needs fucking vegans for anything."

"What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist fuck."

"What do you get when you put 28 Alabama Sorority girls in one room? A full set of teeth"