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Joke of the Day

"Satan: Welcome to hell! You can spend all eternity walking barefoot across legos OR you can wear these crocs. Me: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

"What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Grab onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

"Cars Why do lazy people only drive automatics? Because they're shiftless."

"I'm developing a new dandruff shampoo designed specifically for pubic hair. I'm going to call it Knees and Toes."

"teaching my 1yo daughter to shout ""Mike Wazowski!"" every time someone opens a closet door"

"If you buy a house off Craig's List, it comes with a free serial killer."

"my chemistry always told me ""if you're not part of the solution..... then you're part of the precipitate"""

"A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a shihtzu"

"What is a person with epilepsy's favourite salad? Chicken Seizure Salad."

"[French restaurant] DANIEL: Promise me, not again MIYAGI: Promise. [raises hand] Garcon? [waiter comes] D: Don- M: [waves hand] Garcoff"