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Joke of the Day

"Your mom is so fat... The last time she had sex, they called it the Big Bang!"

"There's no dumb questio ""Why'd my parents get divorced?"" See. His parents most likely split up because he's an interrupting little shit"

"What does a snowman say to his son on his birthday?(dad joke) Happy Brr-day son!"

"Causes of childhood anxiety: 4% Bullying 9% Inability to puncture a Capri Sun pouch 87% Musical Chairs"

"[Bookstore] Me: *hands over Tangled coloring book* Cashier: How old is your daughter? Me: [sweating nervously] Of course it is"

"I failed my Biology test yesterday I was asked to name a parasite currently living in Britain. Apparently 'Muslims' isn't the correct answer."

"Narcolepsy is the sluttiest neurological disorder."

"Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever."

"I've been lying on the floor of this Cheesecake Factory for half an hour. Everyone keeps stepping over me"

"I always close the door to the bathroom even if I'm home alone. What if someone broke in and saw me peeing? That would be so embarrassing"