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Joke of the Day

"Being a grown up is throwing something at the trash can, missing, then actually going over and picking it back up."

"All I want for my children is to be happy when .. .. they grow up, so I'll definitely advise them not to have any children."

"""My dad was a huge feminist..."" ""What about your mom?"" ""No, no. Dad wouldn't allow that."""

"I'm not saying women are smarter than men, but its kinda ironic that there's so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders."

"What's with these people who take a sip of their coffee as soon as they get it? Who are these iron-mouthed warriors?"

"How do you identify a Vegan, Crossfitter, Navy SEAL, or tranny? Don't worry about it, they will tell you."

"So, are you a sub? *he looks into my eyes* What do you mean, like a sandwich?"

"Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me."

"I overheard my neighbor tell someone on the phone that I was creepy. I was so mad I almost crawled out from under the bed & confronted her."

"What does black people and Deutsche Mark have in common? Both are outdated currency."