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Joke of the Day

"Two balloons are floating in the desert. one balloon says to the other, ""hey! watch out for that cactussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss"""

"The Seattle Seahawks play calling."

"My wife wants me to take a walk with her today. I'll be on a short leash though so I won't run off into the woods like last time."

"What do you tell someone who occupies space and has mass? You matter."

"He always wanted a woman that would devour him whole like a gas station roasted chicken. She always wanted a gas station roasted chicken."

"How can you tell if a dictionary has been working out? You can see the definition."

"Satan: you can spend eternity in hell OR you can go to work for the first time in 5 days. Me: hmmm Satan: well? Me: IM THINKING, DAMN IT"

"Do you know why cows have hooves instead of feet? It's because they lactose!"

"Rocket Ship Did you hear about the rocket ship that didn't go up to space? It had projectile dysfunction"

"Winning an argument with a woman is like getting 1st prize in a ""who wants to sleep on the couch"" contest."