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Joke of the Day

"Ever wonder why tiny little paper cuts hurt so bad? Cause you're a pussy"

"Never sure of the differences between a crocodile, an alligator, and a staple remover."

"Therapist: resentment is like drinking poison in the vain hope it makes your enemies sick Me: not if I'm banking on them eating my body"

"I've never had a better karate instructor than a spider web."

"What do you call a terrorist from Paris? A Paririst"

"I THINK I DRANK TOO MUCH SWEET TEA AND I'M SO AWAKE AND NO ONE ELSE SEEMS TO BE AWAKE AND YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVEN'T DONE IN A WHILE, LUNGES!!"

"Cell phones make it easy to communicate with everybody except the people you're currently with."

"I have a fetish fetish. Things that turn me on turn me on."

"Why is it so hard to sleep with Asian women? It can be a slippery slope."

"My top 5 (in no particular order) 1. 3 2. 5 3. 2 4. 4 5. 1"