182817

Joke of the Day

"How do you end a prayer to the Noodle God? Ramen."

"I chose to be gay because women are such assholes to me. Fuck em"

"Me: You can't honestly expect me to believe this house isn't haunted; I can see the ghost walls from here. Realtor: Those are windows."

"I just ran into a doorknob and swore at it but in all honesty, like 99.9% of my doorknob interactions all-time have been positive & helpful"

"I haven't seen an Ice Bucket Challenge video in about a week. Did we cure ALS?"

"What instrument does Mother Earth play? The Qatar."

"Have you ever woken up because of a boner? Alarm cock."

"My girlfriend wanted a nose job for her birthday. It took me a while, but I got her off."

"What do you call a Mexican baptism? Bean dip. No offense intended(to get the racial shit stated before I get hit with it)"

"Knock Knock! ""Who's there?"" ""9/11."" ""9/11, who?..."" I thought you said you'd never forget!"