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Joke of the Day

"Don't answer the door after dark because it might be an orphan in a basket and ain't nobody got time for that."

"I don't think I'd be as calm as Billy Joel was in that song if an old man was sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin."

"[lights focus on guy in interrogation room] ""Say it. SAY IT."" *points at sign saying ""Worcestershire Sauce""*"

"Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one."

"Me: So if I call Canada it's billed as international? Phone rep: Yes. Cuz Canada is a country. Me: You should hear how ridiculous you sound."

"How man Sah Dudes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None fam it's already lit! Sah duude!"

"They say that it's tough to learn Bosnian because it has seven verb tenses: six past one present and no future."

"The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble."

"Men live better than women. First of all, they get married later and secondly, they die earlier."

"My wife keeps telling me to stop drinking I tell her to stop lying, there is no way she can see through 2 black eyes."