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Joke of the Day

"How man Sah Dudes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None fam it's already lit! Sah duude!"

"What do you call a storm that's raining cats and dogs? A furrycanine"

"Annoy your wife by saying ""wow"" every time a chick gets out of the limo on The Bachelor."

"What's the difference between a useless golfer and a useless skydiver? The home golfer goes WHACK! ""Oh no!"" Whereas with the skydiver it's vice versa"

"I use my neighbor's outdoor jacuzzi for bubble bath time with my cat. I'd invite him, but my cat's funny about bathing with strangers."

"WHO LET THE CATS OUT? Mew. Mew. Mew. Mew. WHO LET THE CATS OUT? Mew. Mew. MRRROOW! HSSSSS! MRRROOW! HSSSSS! FUCK! HE'S AN INSIDE CAT!"

"My fine art and fragrances business has failed. The perfumes sold well, but I didn't really know how to market the paintings I'd bought. I've got more Monet than scents"

"Procrastination is like masturbation... ... it feels good while you're doing it, but you're only fucking yourself."

"What does DNA stand for? National Association for Dyslexics"

"Just told my kids they had to share. Now they are dressed in long blacks wigs singing if I could turn back time."