182609

Joke of the Day

"Me: Can I get you a drink? Her: I have a boyfriend. Me: Lady, I'm the bartender."

"Him: You're not the sharpest tool in the shed, are you darlin? Me: HOW DARE Y... Wait, did you just call me darlin"

"BEST ADVICE: Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them."

"At first, I wanted nothing to do with this election... ...but now I've got a Bone to pick."

"What is grey, very big and when it falls out of a tree the stove breaks? The stove."

"Where can you find Scandinavia? Right next to Printdinavia and Copydinavia."

"Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost."

"Everyone always pets my pregnant wife's stomach and says 'congratulations' but no one ever rubs my balls and says 'good job'."

"Hitting on women is like doing Parkour.. I can't do Parkour."

"Dear posters of /r/jokes, can't you be a bit more original with your posts? My friends say they are tired of hearing the same jokes over and over again."